I DOUBT, I THINK, I AM

Image by Pixabay It’s starting again: the short and loud thunder growls, the scared birds chirping and flying away to some tree, the cars’ roars slowly fading in and out of sight from the nearby highway, and the silence momentarily created when all these things go dead silent before returning with a bang! It’s like waves of emotions, something I’m all too familiar with. I take it all in, standing on the far end of my balcony, which is on the 2nd floor of that building. Not too low to feel some form of shame, but also not too high to warrant that as my daily cardio exercise. Butterflies resurrect from the left and travel to their nest someplace I don’t quite get to see. A woman opens the gate, and I hear running footsteps quickly fading away. However, before I finish listening to her now completely silent aura, the drops begin to fall. I was so caught up in that poetic moment, that I had completely forgotten to remove some of my clothes from the hanging lines. I quickly put my journal a...

Illustration by: Jonas Altman "I can't wait to see you too baby!" This was precisely the last text that Akinyi would ever get from her one year two months boyfriend, and after a long pause staring at her phone in the cemetery, she would wish that it was death instead that would've taken him. The cruelty and absurdity of all the events that had led up to this moment some two weeks ago came stabbing at her like the edge of a piece of furniture illicitly romancing your small toe. Only this time your toe feels a lot similar to the rest of your whole soul! Akinyi, now all alone with only the wind and her shadow, welled up with tears. The rain started shortly after, and if you believed in God, you'd think that He was crying along with her. Akinyi had to leave and hopefully start anew, maybe find her way back, or maybe adopt this as her new normal! She looked around one more time, I suppose for hope..or something close, but all she could see were dead and wet tombstones ...

He lets out a big yawn, throws the duvet off him and then wakes up grudgingly from the bed. The first thing he sees is a sticky note next to his phone which sits on the study table next to the bed, "Be right back, Love. Akinyi". He smiles. Akinyi has that effect on him. He lets out a fart, the kind that you have to shift your sitting posture to avoid waking up the neighbors. Steve doesn't think much afterwards, mostly because Akinyi also makes him feel that kind of free. He stretches and then walks to a large mirror mounted on the side wall next to the bathroom. He looks at himself from top to bottom. A weird thought crosses his mind so he looks at the door to confirm it’s locked. It appears to be. He then removes his shirt and then his boxers. He stares at a naked guy in front of him. His eyes move from his chest to his abs and then to his "You know what". He turns for a side view. Nice! His blood starts to rush. He can feel his heart throbbing. He looks at his...

Photo Credit: Illustration by author  You can think of John as an introspective guy, but never reflective enough! He suffers from a terminal illness called MPD (Multi Passion Disorder). Was recently dubbed a “ backslider, ” something he didn’t even have the chance to call himself first. Likes pancakes. Has loved milkshakes since the first day his high-school best friend gave him a treat. And refuses to tell anyone how insecure he is about the size of his arse so he always walks around clenching onto his buttcheeks with his powerful gluteal muscles in an attempt to masculinity…and also to avoid them wiggling behind his back. John has never moved out of his home town. That’s where his whole life still is, his family and friends, his high school sweetheart, and everything he has ever known to be something. The memories of the past and all the things that were almost, cling to his foot like a vine clinging on to some tree, and whenever he thinks of moving on, the idea suddenly feels li...

Illustration by author [01: The Introduction] Dear reader, a piece of advice...if you happen to hear Lady Whistledown's voice speaking in these pages, know that the only thing me and her have in common is that we are both fictional, nothing more. Most times I wish to jot with pleasure these confessions of mine but I cannot. I seem to have a certain loathsome proclivity towards creating something that is not. I twist my words to paint something more beautiful and aesthetically appealing for your sake, dear reader! I should begin by saying that it is not my wish to deceive you, but every now and then I cannot help myself and thus I will lie to you, presenting myself as more decent than I really am. Therefore, dear reader, I implore you to not believe me, I beseech you to see through the sham that I am about to present before you. I was told before that the truth has its own spirit and so I rest knowing that it will beckon thee to enlightenment. Ahh, but no, that is a lie too. I say t...

Today whilst I'm at the market I will bid for a lavender cotton pillow A lofty bathing soap A noble gentleman's cologne Not because my wallet is lofty Nor because I'm a nobleman Neither a gentleman But because in a not-so-distant awry day When all things shall fall dead wrong! I will say to my weary soul Let us go and bathe with our lofty soap Let us apply to our bodies this heavenly cologne Let us rest and weep in our lavender cotton pillow For the pillow will dry our tears without wetting And when the pillow also weeps for our sake We will be the ones to dry its tears! And in our weariness, at least, We will smell and feel beautiful!